networking is getting on my nerves now it feels likes i don't even have time to even go to them cuz of life stuff..  its been since may i been trying to find a job in the hospital it feels like graduating wasn't even worth it..  paying all those examinations and nevada licensure wasn't even worth it.. everything for the past 2 years i worked for to have a better future, better life, and most of all start our future together.. i just feel so depressed and sucky everytime yahve brings up that he is starting to save up money for our very own home, plans of getting married, and all those stuff we were talking about and that's one of the reason y i chose to get school over with it a career that i can take care of myself and my future family and most of all be happy..  i just couldn't wait any longer and i just keep making yahve wait and wait and wait and its like everytime he tells me he is just waiting for me..

me not having a job is the biggest issue now cuz he wanted me to get some type of job cuz my first payments for my loans will be coming soon.. n he said he don't want to move forward until i pay off that loan.. i am so exhausted of making him wait..  he does everything for me what more can i ask for.. i just can't see him upset with me or just pissed off all of a sudden when we r talking..  it makes me feel like he thinks about what did he do to deserve pain and agony in his life..  cuz instead of his life becoming better its put on hold cuz of my slow life..

i just hope i get a job soon cuz i don't know how much i can take this and him too cuz i just can't see him unhappy anymore i have enough of it.. so this is my life situation and i am just breaking down day by day on this

other than that i just check for new job openings everyday and hoping i am hired very soon.. pray for me and i will pray for myself.. gnitey

back to school

ahh 2 weeks is not enough for a holiday break..i feel like its crunch time but i'm ready for it..all i know is i miss my craziies badly..school, work, life is just so hectic lately it just feels like we need our hugs and chit-chat like before..memory lane keeps piling up but great girlfriends in your life will never change..some may come and go but we have a bond like no other..

in 3months i'll be graduating my respiratory school applied for chadron university to get a bachelor degree..looking into some more degree i have an ultimate goal but for now i wanna focus on yahve and me cuz he has so much plan within this year and next year that  i can't make him wait any longer..

so in that case i need to hurry up and graduate and get registered..our class is actually going to be last group to actually make some money in this field cuz we have 3 schools going for respiratory in las vegas and in july about 60 will compete to get jobs 30 in our school another 30 with apollo college which will have their first graduating class so the group below us will actually have a better chance cuz apollo needs to go thru evaluation with the state licensure and the national boards of respiratoy care to get approved to be a credited school.. at least our school has been credited for the pass 4 years since our first graduating class..83% of apollo class needs to pass their boards to be credited sucks for them great for my classmates..

i just need GOD beside me on this one passing my test is what i need to do to get my life started..i'm going to be 24 this year its so hard to put that in my head..i wasted 3 years in a community college that didn't get me nowhere..i feel like a failure but finding respiratory i feel like i have a purpose helping COPD'ers, resuscitating someone, except that fool that snobbed me at the mickey d's drive thru how supposively my car was not far up enough that his new rims got scratch at the curb he not gonna get no help from me the other therapist can revive him i will never forget that cocky azz face!!!, getting people off the ventilator to get them back home i will never give up on them and pray for the best for them..

so that is my update for now..back to my 80 questions take home test that is due in 4hrs and i still need to sleep..

only a few people read this but its something to look back on and keep people updated for people who do care =)

my FICO score

i can't believe i'm 23 already i feel so old. the back problems are coming in fast its hilarious. neway i didn't plan nething for my bday this year due to the fact that either people can't go or they end up being late if i do invite them so there is no point.  its my second rotation at the hospital and well lets just say i can't wait to graduate respiratory school in april.  i'm pulling off 5, 12hr shift per week so i can finish early and get my 3 weeks vacation rather than 1 week which is the week of thanksgiving.  then its december two more weeks of school then its christmas vacation for another 2 weeks where does that lead me too? 4 months and 2 wks til last day of school and two months of that has to be my last rotation which is the NICU and PICU. neonatal and pediatrics i'm so excited. i'll be taking care of 1lb babies n their respiratory problems.

i actually like the ICU which is intensive care unit. i'm not very fond of ER i don't like the hectic that goes around it. its just me tho i will try it see how it goes cuz in this rotation its ICU + ER. the economy is so low i feel like a depression going on cuz the stocks are low low low its bad.  so its gonna be hard to get a job once i graduate.

on to my topic what is your FICO score? so here i am watching a documentary for yahve's class and its just plain ridiculous how the credit company jacks up my credit score.  yahve and i are busting our but to stay in the high 700's or even to get to 850 to get  a good mortgage at our house once we get one. i can't believe this simple number can determine whether we can be approved for nething.

35% of your FICO score. if you have any late payments, the score will take into account how late you were, how much was owed and how many late payments there were. outstanding debt and cancel a credit card, losing that line of credit will mean you're using up more of your credit — which will raise your credit utilization and thus lower your score.

30% of your score is determined by your credit utilization ratio, which measures your outstanding balance against your available credit

15% of your score. So if you're closing credit cards, keep the card you've had the longest.  you should use them at least once every six months or so or it will show up as being inactive on your report and the credit line won't be factored into your utilization ratio.

10% of your score. signing up for new credit cards doesn't always boost your score because you're adding to your line of credit. instead, it can lower your score because you may appear to be a bigger risk.

the final 10 percent of your score, and looks at whether you have a mix of different types of credit, such as installment loans or mortgages. it's good to have a history of revolving accounts — such as credit cards — so think twice before completely giving up your credit cards.

what shock me in the documentary was closing one credit card can lose up to 60 points from the 850 that everyone starts with same goes 75 points about for every missed late payments men. i feel so bad for my friend that owes about $20K cuz of late payments. so my question is what is your FICO score do you even know? on top of that school loans or any loans brings down your credit by like 35-60 points also. this ridiculous

the most shocking of all is that the APR can increase any time or interest rate if you have one late payment in one credit card and can reflect on all your other credit card because of that one payment. meaning if you have one credit card in one company one late payment it can go to your other credit company and they can change ur interest rate in that sec.

this is just crazii

but anyway i got a white gold necklace from yahve on my bday it was so cute he gave it to me at 11:30 p.m. before midnite of my bday but i decided not to open it cuz its not my bday yet so i wrapped it with velcro wrapping and opened it after my first day of rotation which was 5 30 in the morning!!! n a pink iphone cover cuz he loves me..i'm soo tired so gn.. =) i'll update later

wedding thoughts

haha so i was textin back and forth with my bestie about how we are planning to have our wedding in about 2 years meaning yahve and me and she told me she gotta have her school done by that time..i was like well when are you two gettin married? haha she called me silly... its true u know..

its funny how when we were only 13 years old we made all these plans already..and we are sticking too it..i hope we do live in the same block like wat we planned but you know wat best believe it this lady of mine will always be with me thru thick and thin..

only thing is she don't want to talk about her thoughts and calls me silly everytime..ohh well all i know she gotta talk about it with me cuz i have to plan my part hehe..

time is ticking my love at least i gave her a few years to get ready for it..but i think i  gotta get ready too cuz we are not gettin any younger so i know she gotta think about her future with her man too =)

well i'm done talkin about it cuz i'm not gettin nuttin from her but its a thought am i right?

its been awhile..caution this is LONG-O

+ CAUTION: VERY VERY LONG + FURTHER THAN FAR FAR AWAY LAND

i figured i should update this thing since i feel bad that i read pplz blogs and i don't share in return (ehh hum noelle and jen jen <3) so it has been like 2 years i think since i blogged on this..many things have happen..gone outside las vegas for once went to the dirty south and bahamas cruise for a week for spring break this year..last year was exhausting and this year is just a beginning but wow its halfway thru the year already..lets see i think yahve and i figured out our wedding day..but no worry it wont be for a while since i want to finish my classes and pass my boards for respiratory therapy so who really knows what day that is..all i know is we are about to get a year older and we just need to start thinking of our future together..i can't live a life of just having fun when all i can think of is the FUTURE..so i'm busting my bootie trying to make something of me to start a loving family in the near future is the next step well wedding then family haha

i will be graduating around april 2009 my school doesn't even know but i know that is the latest but my financial aid said i'll be done january 2009 but who knows my school has plenty of hidden agenda and surprises every week it seems like so i really don't know..all i know is i'm counting months that i will be done..yahve just went back to college to finish his degree so he can finish up his board test for orthotist and eventually 2 years later become both orthotist and prosthetist i hope i spelled that correctly..our plans are vigorous but with that we are bound to finish something we believe in that will help us in the future..practially that is all i can think about is the future so don't mind me talking about it cuz what i'm doing right now is not only for me its for yahve, my future family and the knowledge and security i need for the future..it may not make sense right now but for this moment it feels just right..

i feel like i'm still the same person as always kind hearted, understandable, sensitive, but that is just me when i'm with my friends..i still have a lot to learn about myself but its getting there some how..even though i may have good qualities at home i'm different i have so much anger to let out maybe cuz my environment at home is different than when i'm with friends or by myself i let myself zone out of my problems and just listen to someone else's life besides mine.. neway i have to say a story that happen a couple of days ago n i hope this person don't read this cuz it will pertain to this person well this person called me needing my help to pick the person up and the person's friend well i didn't hesitate to not help i did right away this person asked me to pick her up and drop them off to a casino which was fine but i ended up being a shoffer however u spell it take me here and there basically in the end i had to vent and called a friend cuz in my gut feeling it didn't feel right..well the friend after driving this person to places did not even pay an ounce of gas n i was 3/4 of the tank when it was full before i picked them up..so when all was done they thanked me but in my heart it wasn't enough i mean is that so wrong to feel? but neway i called my friend she explained to me her thoughts n how i should have kicked them out of the curb when they were asking for more favors..yahve was right he knew that was gonna happen..but ya i just felt used but i brushed it off but just felt not right in my heart for doing the favor cuz when it happens again..this person has no one else n this person will come to me over and over for the rest of my life cuz this person knows i wont say no.. i'm sorry though i'm the type of person that sees the good stuff about people why should i focus on the bad about the person when that is what makes them ugly so i focus on the person their soft side n sides that i can see when they are with me that is why i have my point of view on any situations..

sometimes i get so confused why i get tortured for not being happy when in my eyes my life is wonderful and fortunate more than some people..i guess my family kinda puts negativeness in my life that i bring it upon myself to think negative..don't get me wrong i love my family but we definitely not close to talk about feelings and to me maybe that is why i break down so easily..but like i said i gotta think for the FUTURE i have to be strong and prove myself that i can be somebody even when people put me down or think i am wrong..

well enough about that..neway been in school for the past few years..still going..visited mexico, florida, bahamas for this past 2 years i haven't blogged..yahve wants to go to egypt next but i'm afraid to go to africa cuz elections are still going and its horrible systems there..i just want to visit state to state in the US and then spain, greece, tahiti are my main picks =) which i know yahve will let it come true..if not i will make it come true for the both of us..  i am so lucky to have found him and he picked me cuz he completes me..he will do nething in his power to make me happy and i love that about him..when i'm upset he finds ways to keep me smiling and motivate me why i am doing the things i need to be doing..cuz its not only me no more..its about us and what we can do together..everything i'm doing is for us..every breath he takes he will do nething to make me happy.. =) all i can do is smile..i found my match..he is not boring he is always surprising me with something..its a match made in heaven.. but boy scorpios could be unpredictable tho..but i balance him and we balance one another after that..

so now that i have updated everyone else should too..cuz by the time people finishing reading this u would either have no emotion, cry, laugh, think about stuff, just plain mad, or say ur feelings..those are not my intentions this is a blog its my opinion my thoughts friends are always there for u no matter what and all u can do is just grow in the inside with everything that comes to u..things happen for a reason and if they don't then their is not learning experience..who said life would be easy if life is easy then we all would be in heaven and not be put on earth every lifetime we have to find purpose and to grow.. i want to make something of myself that's the goal and be happy for the rest of eternity..

THE END ZZZzzZ..time for me..well actually really WOW yes jen jen and noelle WOW!!! hugs and kisses